walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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