I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
