Already got asked if we're dating
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
