So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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