Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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