....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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