the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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