I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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