what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
