saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
