Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
