"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
