At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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