did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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