FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
