3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Randomize
