Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
