After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
