Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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