Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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