Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
