But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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