when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
