yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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