Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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