Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Randomize
