I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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