my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
