why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
