dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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