My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
