I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
