You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
