You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
