Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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