I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
