I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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