Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
