Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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