He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
dude. I can hear the air.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
