I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
