I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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