If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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