never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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