You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
