i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
