Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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