I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
