I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
