I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just invented taco cereal.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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