I would go down on you faster than GM stock
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
