in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
