I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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